Just finished The Toll. I need to ask Leigh Bardugo if I can borrow Kaz to go have a nice civilized conversation with Neal Shusterman.
I will right this review after…
Also… apparently this happened while I was in the middle of moving…
And I can honestly say of everything that has happened over the last two weeks? That was the biggest shocker of them all. Bless.
Now… On to the reason I created this post…
Oh MY! Hello! Supergrass wasn’t kidding, were they?
I don’t even know where to start this post except to send out the largest of thank yous to everyone- until this and the last “life update” post, I’ve never asked anyone to retweet any post I’ve put out because well, that is just – but why?
I mean, if someone did- I am flattered, honored, even. But I wouldn’t ask them to- I don’t think I have, anyway? And I won’t after today. But so many have sent words of comfort, support. So many have offered actionable comfort and support. And it is all through different platforms. As one condensed update, I just want to make sure this reaches as many people as possible.
For those who missed the last update tweet- I pulled the Go Fund Me because Capital One (like the issue with the first web designer I began working with) has gone to bat for me with the trucking company. They have refunded the deposit thus far. So, I’m hopeful that it will work out.
There is also an additional reason that I will get to in just a second but before I do that I want to mention a couple (ok maybe more than a little more than a couple things that I’ve learned over the past two weeks.
PS THE REALLY BIG NEWS IS AT THE END IF THE LESSONS BELOW GET TO BE LONG AND RAMBLING LOL
- I have seriously listened to/fallen asleep to the audibles of Six of Crows/Crooked Kingdom entirely too much. No. Seriously. Yes. I read them first. I always feel the need to qualify this, although I’m not sure why. I read ARCS near constantly- I did go back and forth with Toll because, unpacking. I’m sure I will do the same with the November ARCs granted that will have come out before I review them because again, unpacking. How do I know this?
- I seriously got the Fjerden National Anthem stuck in my head after getting through Six of Crows with Mom… Nope. Not Kidding. I had the National Anthem of a country that doesn’t exist stuck in my head.
- Everytime we put on Six of Crows? The boys stopped yowling at the top of their lungs. I could only account this to them being comforted by the voices on the audible and how often they heard it when it helped me fall asleep. I imagine There Will Come a Darkness will get there at some point.
2. At some point during this move I wondered why I had bothered to even plan. For all the planning (and I planned EVERYTHING) I did? Nearly all those plans got blown to hell. Look. I knew I had to plan, a lot. I know myself and how being bipolar works, what life skills help, well enough to know that getting overwhelmed is no bueno.
And as it was, my routines were getting shredded. That isn’t good, either. Routines are important (not strict routines but certain things) and keeping things from being overwhelming is important. So I started planning way ahead of time. And as each piece of that plan got thrown back at me, I wondered why. Then it hit me. Thank God I planned. Thank God I sat there day after day starting weeks in advance. Because had I not run through every scenario? Had I not known what every option I didn’t choose worked or was available?
Then when my optimum choices, the plan A(s) I had put into play got chucked one after another? I never would have been able to think fast enough, on my feet, with everything I owned, my sick mom and three freaked out cats (and then add on Kaz being ripped from stem to sternum by a messed up tow dolly, two different insurance claims and a bizarre October snowstorm) to….well… figure out…
from putting plans B, C and sometimes D into play and keep moving without disastrous results- and in fact, pretty damn good results much better results, had you asked me were possible just a week ago.
So yeah. Just because life is what happens when we are making other plans, and I never thought I’d see days like those (Thank you John Lennon for both of those lessons)? Doesn’t mean you don’t make plans. IT IS WHY YOU MAKE PLANS.
Maybe you are reading this and going, well duh. And fair game. But my childhood never taught me that. This taught me that, and for that, among other things, I am eternally grateful.
3. Ok maybe I didn’t just learn this but huge reminder that for every scam artist there are those that will go out of there way to be kind and understanding
So yeah, there was the trucking company. But there was also the hotel in west bubblefuck Kansas that refunded us the day we didn’t stay when we found out about the incoming snow storm and made a break from it. Yeah, Uhaul may have done irreparable damage to Kaz. But there is also the tow company that told Uhaul off about witnessing the fact that we almost completely lost Kaz off the tow dolly (the first time) in Kansas and that it was completely THEIR fault, the truck driver who helped us reattach Kaz the second time we almost completely lost it on the highway in the snow and then promised to keep an eye out for us on the highway and ALSO cursed Uhaul.
In all honesty, I’m not even sure where we were at that point but Nina had just been locked in at Fjerda. I remember that because I heard mom yell at me about it from the passenger side of the Uhaul while I was working with the truck driver because she couldn’t believe Matthias had betrayed her.
There were the kids that the moving company sent in Colorado to help us unpack the uhaul who took Kaz off the tow dolly, or tried to, but didn’t take the chains off the axle and added to God knows what damage but there was also the company’s owner. He immediately took blame, refunded the money for the service, gave me his cell and told me to call him if there was damage. How to tell that from the damage Uhaul caused? I figure Uhaul did it first…
So yeah. Not giving up on people. No reason.
4. Lord. I could write a year about what I’ve already learned about Colorado Springs. The shear vast of it I’m just not used to. I’ve lived my whole life in cities that were densely populated but small in area. I’m not sure of the population but it is a city. However it is HUGE in area and that is batshit bizarre to me, but wondrous all the same. As the apartment comes around to being more unpacked and the more I explore? The more I’m sure twitter and random posts will be inundated with pictures…
5. I’m scared. I’m excited. I’m thrilled to be here. There are things that pang me to have left behind. My heart is still broken and I’m not sure it will ever not be. Maybe I’m wrong and fate does have plans for us all (yeah yeah I know). But I’ve done the right thing. Whether I end up alone or not, whether this is where I stay “forever” or not. It is what I needed to do and where I needed to be. My fear is not because I did something wrong. Change is scary. The unknown is scary. But it is also exciting. And I will do my best to make it what I want it to be because in the end that is all any of us can do.
Blog update and news
I would have done this post over the weekend but I was waiting for the below to do so. I didn’t have to but I felt both were important and I didn’t want to jinx either.
Plus, Mom is here until Saturday and I haven’t seen her in a year. I do want to spend time with her over the next two days. So after this post, I might or might not post again before Saturday, but if not I will be posting again daily, starting Sunday, or late in the day Saturday.
To everyone who has been visiting my corner of the world and commenting and responding and linking back to me, and I have seen notifications of recent followers- YAY (hell I hope this post doesn’t scare you off) – I will be getting back to that, to blog hopping and all that I love in this community after Saturday, as well.
Yes, my November reviews will be behind but December is empty review wise (there are other big things coming in the coming week – see #2 and December- can’t say right now) so I’m ok with it. I’m not going to beat myself up over it, as this is an understandable and temporary pause. Not a break in reliability or trust or my word. The publicists I’ve reached out to have been incredibly understanding. Plus we aren’t talking about being months behind.
I will audible those that come out when I can so I can continue unpacking. Again, not sure why I need to qualify this, but there you go.
I have joined the Eight Will Fall blog tour being run by Macmillan and am VERY EXCITED to participate at the end of November, after my interview with Sarah Harian at the end of last month.
- I believe this is both blog and life related. The other reason, along with Capital One’s help (their customer service is incredible- I can’t tell you what their support has meant over the past month) that I killed Go Fund Me is that I have done something I thought I would never be able to say I’d do (that blame really lies in St. Louis).
Yesterday, I was offered a job with one of the Barnes and Noble’s in Colorado Springs. I scheduled the interview before leaving St. Louis. I had the interview Saturday and ran the background check Sunday but it takes quite a while. I start on Tuesday. Fittingly, I was asked to help with the book club (especially YA) and next month’s is Scythe…
To say I’m thrilled and excited is an understatement. Beyond the supplemental income, this is so important to my mental health and building my life in Colorado Springs. To help me get out of the house, being around books and the community. The manager is wonderful and allowed me to be completely open with her. I am very lucky to have this opportunity.
2. My wonderful web designer Deanna is in California and dealing with the power coming and going as fire issues continuing to ravage the state. First, and most importantly, she is safe and only having to deal with the power issues.
Secondly, we have touched base regarding the redesign of my site, and next steps of expansion with platforms, SEO backend upgrades etc… I am so excited!!! So that is also continuing to move along. I’m hoping to see a mock-up at the end of the week!!!!
Ok I don’t know if anyone wanted or needed a 2000 word update on my life and blog but hell… there it is and there you go. Thank you again for everything
Your kindness got me through so much and I am just so happy to be here after the last two years of what so many times, I thought I wouldn’t get through and for the hurt of what I didn’t want to leave, I have hope for what is ahead.
But this community, so many brilliant stories, characters and authors- that is what got me through it all and will continue to be an incredible part of the next chapter in my journey. I can only hope to be there in return.